


Lost Without You

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Drama, Fluff, No Slash, Points of View, Romance, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-09-18
Updated: 2005-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-27 02:39:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12071919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Set 2 months after the Rage Party. Can a moment of realization come to late?





	Lost Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

**This is not beta'ed so all mistakes are my own. I was going to do this with a different way, but my friend Denise{ROO} sorta shocked me by using it in her new Sugar Daddy Chapter. But I went the other way and hope you like it as much. If you want to know the other way, just ask and I will gladly tell you.lol**

**Thanks to Shauna, Carolyn, Sid,Brenda for their help on looking over it for me.**

**Also thx to Sid for her help in the Summary.**

**Also thanks to the boys: You know who you are..love you guys.**

**Also I want to thank Nic for her undying love for me and making me write my heart out the past 2 days.**

* * *

**Brian**

I can’t believe how devastated Justin looked. I see the look he had when he saw me fucking my alto ego ‘Rage’. I know it hurt me to see that hurt.

He walks out of the room and starts to walk out. _No locks on the doors. It’s your call._ keeps running through my mind. 

I start to go towards him, to tell him I’m sorry when I see the fucking fiddler hugging Justin. 

I take my mask off, looking into Justin’s eyes, knowing he wants me to tell him to stay. That I’m sorry. 

He turns to leave, but looking back at me one last time. Then he is out of my sights. I turn to see Rage kissing JT and the lust in their eyes when they look at each other. I knew what I needed to do.

I take my mask off going towards the door. 

“Where you going?” Mikey asks me.

“After something I can’t lose.” I walk away from him, running out Babylon’s door. Looking around to find him. But he’s gone. 

“FUCK!” I scream at the air. “FUCK! JUSTIN!” I turn to see Michael standing there.

“Bri?” 

“Fuck off Mikey. I’m going to fucking lose my mind now.” Storming off, I head home, to my empty loft.

Justin’s stuff is still here. I will just have to be here when he comes by.

Days rolled by and he never showed up. He still has a key but I haven’t heard anything from anyone about him. 

I get in my jeep and head over to Daphne’s to find out where this fiddler lives. But I get there to find out, she moved with no forwarding address.

I even went as far as calling Jennifer, but she hung up on me telling me I destroyed her son’s life and to leave him alone. 

I get back to the loft and start drinking what I have, figuring out that its not enough; I head to Woody’s trying to drink my memories away.

**Daphne**

It’s been two months since Justin showed up at my door. He dropped out of school and quit the diner job. 

I go into his room to see him lying there, and my heart jumps. He looks worse then before. And the food I left him is stinking from under his bed. He hasn’t eaten much. Just enough to keep him alive.

“Justin, you haven’t been eating. It stinks in here.” I look at him to see tears.

“I’m sorry Daph. I will take a shower.” 

“Justin it isn’t you, well it is. But it’s more then that. You have to stop this. Why don’t you go talk to him.” 

“I can’t he hates me. He doesn’t love me. Why did I fall for him?” He starts to cry. He gets up to go into the bathroom, grabbing the nightstand I see his eyes flutter before he falls to the floor.

“JUSTIN!” I run to him and pull his head into my lap. “Justin wake up.” When I can’t wake him, I do the first thing that comes to my mind.

Picking up the phone I dial 9-11 and call for ambulance. Once they arrived and can’t revive Justin they take us both to the hospital.

As the doctor comes out he comes over to me. “Do you have the list on which Mr. Taylor is allergic to?” 

“I have it.” I turn to see Brian coming over handing the list to the doctor.

“I’ll be back.” Walking away before I can ask how he is. I look at Brian who just pulls me into him. 

Pulling back I look at him. “What are you doing here?” I ask him.

“The little twink still has me listed as his emergency contact.” Looking me in the eyes.

“Sorry.” I try to say before he stops me.

“Daphne, what the fuck happened? Why is he here when he should be with the fucking fiddler?”

“He hasn’t been with him since he left the Rage party. He was never fully with him Brian. He left that night with him because he didn’t know what else to do. He’s been staying with me for two months. Brian, he hasn’t been eating well and he is so fucking depressed over losing you and now..” I sob out not wanting to finish. “Now I might lose him.” 

“You won’t lose him. He’s a fighter. Why didn’t he come to me?” He looks almost as sad as Justin.

“He figured you would hate him.” Before I can say anything else, Jennifer comes running over, looking from Brian to me.

“What’s he doing here?” He looks at her but before I can say anything more Brian jumps in.

“He still has me listed as his emergency contact. I can go.” He looks at me and I shake my head.

“No, he would want you here.” I tell him before the doctor comes back out.

“Taylor family.” We move to him as he looks at the papers.

“How is he?” Jennifer asks.

“He is weak. I understand you told them he hasn’t been eating?” Looking at me, I nod.

“Yes sir.”

“Any idea why?” I look to Brian who looks away.

“Because of me.” He tells him, making Jennifer look at him.

“Why so?” he asks.

“Because we broke up. I tried to catch him but he was already gone when I got out there. I just figured he left with Ethan.” I rub my hand on his arm, not knowing he did that.

“Well, he has lost a lot of weight. He is really dehydrated and needs lots of fluids. We have him hooked up to an IV and he keeps saying the name Brian.” I see Brian flinch.

“I don’t know if I should go in there.” I slap his arm once more.

“He wants to see you.” Just then Debbie comes running in and up to Jennifer.

“How is our Sunshine?” She asks Jennifer before seeing Brian.

“Asshole, what are you doing here?” Hugging Brian he smirks.

“You know I love being in the middle.” Slapping him once more.

“What happened?” Jennifer tells her once more when I have repeated over and over again.

After hearing what happened, Debbie looks at me. “Why didn’t you call someone or tell someone Sunshine was this bad?”

“I did. I talked to your son Michael. I told him how Justin was and that I wanted his help in getting Brian to come see him. He said that Brian told him he never wanted to see Justin again and could care less if the ‘little twerp’ dropped dead.” Seeing Brian flinch I look away.

“He didn’t tell me. I knew in my soul that something was wrong. I just thought he was with the fiddler.” 

“He never wanted him Brian. Yes he had the fling, but his heart has always belonged to you.” I tell him when Debbie stands back up.

“And yours to him. Michael will hear about this.” She puts her hand to Brian’s cheek.

“No, let me ‘Mom’. Call him here. Then somehow let me know when he is at the door to Justin’s. He will hear me loud and clear.” Nodding she walked away.

“I’m going to go see him. I have to see him.” Brian whispers while hugging Jennifer.

“He never knew you were here every night after he was bashed. I never told him. He doesn’t know.” She cries.

“He will now.” We all make our way to Justin’s room to see how he is. 

Opening the door, he turns his head and is shocked to find Brian leading us in.

“Brian?” Justin questions.

“Hey Sunshine. You know you have to stop scaring me like this.” Leaning over he kisses Justin’s forehead, still leaving him in a shocked state.

“Why are you here?” Justin asks, still looking confused.

“Well, first of all, I am here because I am still number one. On your emergency list.” Justin smiles but looks away.

“Justin we are going to go get something to drink. Give you time.” As we walk out, I turn to give Justin a smile. Walking out I look over at Brian. “Don’t fuck it up again Kinney or I will hurt you.” 

“Yes ma’am” Walking out, leaving my two favorite men alone.

**Brian**

I sit down taking Justin’s hand in mine. 

“Brian?”

“Sorry Sunshine. Just need to get my thoughts clear.” Smiling at him I kiss him.

“What was that for?”

“Because, from now on, before any conversation starts, I want to kiss you.” Laughing at me I see the hurt once more.

I hear a faint knock on the door, looking over I see Deb point and walk away. I wait to hear the door semi open before continuing.

“Justin, I need to say some things to you. I want you to know just how I fell. I went after you that night. But you were already gone. I figured you made your choice with Ethan. Now I know that you didn’t leave with him, that you have been with Daphne.” Looking away from me I put my hand on his.

“Brian.”

“No, let me finish. I know I shouldn’t have done most of the shit I did but the truth is, you scared me. Not you, just the emotions you gave me. Justin, after the prom, you asked me why I never came to see you. The truth is, and the only one who knew is your mom. But I was here, every night. Watching you sleep. I wanted to hold you but feared something would happen and I was scared you would get hurt again because of me. Because I can’t keep my hands off you.” 

I can still see Mikey who is still in the door but at this time, I have forgotten him.

“Justin, when you woke up from that coma, I made myself promise never to do anything to hurt you. So instead of holding on, I pushed you away, which hurt you more. Hell it hurt me. After the party, I haven’t been the same.” Kissing his hand I continue, not wanting him to say anything until I am done.

“Justin, you don’t know what you mean to me. Well you do know but I never gave you reason to believe it was still like that. After you were hit, I guess we both forgot to say how we felt. Well you spoke it, but I thought I was clear with my actions. Justin, you are my life, other then Gus. I need you in my life.” Leaning over to kiss his lips softly soon turned into one of passion.

“Fuck Sunshine, stop kissing me like that here. Shit, makes me want to fuck you.” Laughing I look into his tear stained eyes and can’t stop the emotions. 

Crying myself I look into his eyes once more. “I need you in my life Justin. I am lost without you. I love you. Please come home.” Grabbing my hand he wipes my tears.

“I love you to Brian, are you sure?” 

“I have never wanted anything more. I can’t promise I won’t fuck up, but I can promise to try as long as you promise me to not walk away from me when I fail for the first few times.”

“I promise.” Kissing him once more I can now say I feel like my life will be fine.

“I don’t fucking believe this.” Mikey barges in and I am on my feet and in his face in no time.

“What don’t you believe Mikey? The fact I just told the man I love that I love him? Or is it the fact that once again you tried to mess things up I know Daphne came to you and asked for you to help keep this from happening.” I point to Justin.

“What are you talking about?” 

“If you would have told me, I would have told him how I felt sooner and he wouldn’t be in that hospital bed again. If you were my best friend you would have told me. You knew how fucking miserable I was without him.” I once again look to Justin who seems speechless again.

“I did it because he keeps hurting you and leaving that night with his boyfriend.” I go to cut him off but am stopped by the one man I never wanted to see.

“I was never his boyfriend.” Ethan walks in and over to Justin. “How are you feeling?”

“Okay I guess.” I see Ethan nod looking back to Michael.

“First off, Justin and I were never boyfriends. Yes we messed around, fucked but we were never truly together because he was and still is in love with Brian. Now before you” he said pointing to Michael, “try to turn me being here into more, Daphne told me what happened. I came to chew him out for not doing what I told him to do which was to go talk to Brian.” 

Looking at him like he grew a second head he continues. “Brian, he has always loved you. I am sorry it went as far as it did, but you know how easy it is to fall for Justin.” Smiling I nod knowing just how he feels.

“Well, unlike you I couldn’t get him to fall for me. Which is okay with me. I care for him and we have remained friends.” I look at Justin who looks away.

“Now, back to you Michael. You sit here and call yourself Brian’s friend.” But I jump in.

“But if you were my best friend you would have said something to me. Ethan, I owe you an apology.” 

“I heard you don’t do those.” Laughing I nod.

“Not very often unless I know I am wrong."

I look back to Ethan, "You are a good friend by stepping back from the one you love and telling him to go to the one he truly loves." 

Looking once again at Michael I continue, "Instead of not telling them what was going on until it was almost too late. Oh but my 'friend' didn’t tell me. I got a call from the doctor here at the hospital.” I look from Ethan and back to Michael. 

“Brian, you need me. You can’t live without your best friend.” Michael smiles.

“You are right, I can’t live without my best friend, which is Justin. You I can live without. Justin, I can’t and I don’t want to even try.” Looking at a smiling Justin and a laughing Ethan, I look back to Michael.

“Brian.”

“No, listen, until you figure out just where it is in my life you belong, and what a true friend is, then stay away from me, and my partner. I will not let you, nor anyone else come between us again.” 

“Brian?” He starts to whine.

“I think that is your cue to back off Mikey.” Ethan sarcastically snares.

“This isn’t your business.” Michael starts to say.

“Actually Mikey, it is. See he is here because he cares for Justin. I am here because I care for Justin, you are here because you can’t stand the fact I love him. Now grow up and leave.” 

“Michael Novotney, you heard him. Go home.” Debbie takes his ear and walks him out. 

Turning I see Justin looking at me. I walk over to extend my hand to Ethan. Taking it we both look at Justin. 

“What’s on your mind Sunshine? And if you are thinking how hot it would be for me to fuck Ethan, forget it. I don’t fuck my friends.” Smiling he shook his head.

“I wasn’t thinking that.” 

“Then what were you thinking?” Ethan looks at him.

“I’m hungry.” Laughing I knew that things would be alright.

I was lost without him, but now I am found.


End file.
